Marriage is hard, we all know that. I'm sure we were all told that at some point on our lives, most likely before we even got married. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and compromise (which sometimes is easier said than done). Adding kids into the mix only makes it that much harder, because you have less to time to spend alone together and less time to devote to your marriage. On average about 20-25% of marriage end in divorce (yes, it is much lower than people think, but it still kind of stinks). My husband and I said from the start that we wouldn't be part of that statistic.
That being said though, we still made many of the common mistakes in marriage (probably me more so than him). For the first 2-3 years (give or take) of our marriage I was awful. It might not have seemed like it to others, but I know how my husband felt, and looking back I know how awful I feel about it. I was naggy, moody, always fighting about stupid little things that in the end don't really matter.
A few years ago, I realized how badly I was treating my husband, and decided it was time for me to make a change. Obviously, I still have areas that I need to work on, but I feel much better, and I'm fairly certain if you asked him, he would agree. So here is a list of many common mistakes people make in marriage. After I will make a list of how I worked on not making them.
I'm pretty much guilty of every single one of those. When I decided I needed to make a change, one of the biggest things for me, was nagging. I nagged constantly. Now, when I feel that nagging voice coming on, I take a few breaths and list the reasons I love him in my head. I am also very guilty of not communicating, and just expected him to know what I what or what I am thinking. He is not a mind reader. How does he know I want him to do the dishes while I am out if I don't tell him. How does he know I don't want to play another hour of his game if I don't tell him? We have gotten much better about this. I used to be really bad, I would snap on him when I was really upset about something else, but I just didn't ever tell him that I was upset (this was especially true when Bret was first getting tested for multiple possibly illnesses/diseases). Instead of talking to him about how anxious/worried I was, I would snap on him about something completely unrelated.
I can also be the queen of "not really listening", I assume I know what he is going to say and cut him off. I think I can say with some certainty that he would say it's one of his biggest pet peeves. This is something I am still working at, apparently cutting him off just comes naturally to me, but I am trying. Always needing to be right is one I think both of us struggle with. I think this is where "let's just agree to disagree" instead of "I'm going to prove you wrong" comes into play. I have also been to know to complain about him to my friends, which I am also working on. Instead of telling them what he did wrong or what he did that upset me, I try to talk to him about it (which goes back to lack of communication).
Another huge one for us losing the intimacy. After 2 babies 14 months apart, intimacy was really the last thing on mind. I was tired, I felt fat and was totally unhappy with myself. We have definitely comes leaps and bounds in this area. I make time for him, even if I am a bit tired. For me, this isn't just about sex, this is just about intimacy in general. We are all so busy, he works, I tried to keep the kids engaged, the house clean, and dinner cooked. Sometimes even just cuddling and enjoying alone time together can get pushed to the back burner. We try to spend time together everyday, whether that is in right in the morning when he gets home from work, or cuddling on his nights off. I think this is major factor in the improvement of our relationship as a whole.
We have been married for 6 years now, and I think this is probably the happiest either of us has ever been with our relationship in general. Obviously we had good times before, but I think talking about the relationship in general, it's better now than it ever has been.
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