Today I had a heart breaking moment with my 4 year old. She has been getting in trouble a lot lately for multiple things; talking back, fighting with her brother, sneaking out of her room during nap time, not following the rules at the park, and a few others. We have seen an improvement from a couple months ago where I felt like all I was doing was yelling at her every 10 minutes and she was just being downright nasty to everyone in the house, but we are still having issue with her behavior.
Today when she got up from her nap she was crying and she told me that I didn't like her anymore because I'm always mad at her. I swear that broke my heart into tiny little pieces, and I started crying because I somehow had made her feel this way. After having a long discussion with her about how I will always like her and that I love her more than anything, even when I am upset with her, I decided maybe I need to take a long hard look at how my behavior is affecting her behavior.
I am fully aware that I am not the most patient person in the world, or even in this family. My buttons are easy to push and the kids tend to push them often. I try to stay calm, but it seems I end up yelling at them over half the day and they are always in time out (especially Sophia). I have been trying to work on staying calm and being more patient with the kids for a bit, and I have made progress, but I still have a long way to go.
Sometimes I feel like maybe we expect too much out of the kids, and maybe we have too many rules for a 4 year old to effectively follow. It's obvious some things need to change around this house for all of us to be happy and live harmoniously. I know this will take time, and obviously no one can be perfect so there will always be conflicts, especially between the kids. Those are things that are out of my control, however I can attempt to control the way I react to those conflicts and do so in a way that won't make my 4 year old ever tell me that I don't like her EVER again.
There are a few things I am currently working on. One of these is my tone. I know that I am a very sarcastic person, and even without trying I have noticed that I have a very sarcastic tone with the children. This is something I am trying to fix, because one of our issues with Sophia is talking back, and for the most part she is very sarcastic with us. The worst part is that whatever she does, Bret does. If she yells at me, Bret yells at me. If she rolls her eyes at me, he rolls his eyes at me too. If she tries to argue her way out of something, he does the same. Next is for me to calm down before doling out punishment. I will never be one of those moms that doesn't believe in punishment. It's just not my style and it never will be, but I need to stop punishing when I'm still upset. I have been working on breathing and counting to 10 before doing so, or just giving myself a small mommy time out before giving a punishment. That way I am fully calm and collected when telling Sophie to go to time out and why she is in time out. I have learned the hard way that Bret ONLY responds well to calm. If you yell at him, it ALWAYS makes the situation worse. All kids are different, Sophie responds to yelling (though I am working really hard on not yelling, even when I am SUPER upset), but yelling at him just throws Bret over the edge. He is quick to get frustrated and show anger, and if you don't approach him in a calm manner and explain things in calming tones, he goes into meltdown mode.
One of the biggest issues we have in this house is fighting. Some times the kids get along great, but it usually doesn't last long. Play time usually ends in Sophia yelling at Bret, Bret hitting in Sophie, Sophie taking Bret's toy, and so on. Almost every day we end up needing to separate the kids during play time, because most of the time they just can't seem to coexist together. When my husband gets back from his trip I am hoping we can each do some 1 on 1 time with each child and see if that helps with this. I think most of the time they are both fighting for our attention. Daddy works 12 hour night shifts, so they don't get to see him often, so they both want his full attention and that leads to fights. While Mommy is always home with them, Mommy is cleaning the house, or making dinner, or taking care of bills, and whatever else and they just don't understand why I can't always play doctor with them. So we will be doing mommy-daughter, daddy-daughter, mommy-son, and daddy-son dates 1 time each month so each of the kids gets their own time with each parent. I'm hoping that starting this might make our lives a little easier inside the home.
No comments:
Post a Comment