Mother's Day

First off, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms reading this! For me, Mother's Day is a day where I look at myself as parent and wonder if I am doing a good job or not. I am usually very emotional on this day, because most of the time I feel like I fail in so many ways. Take for instance, this morning I woke up and my husband had washed all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen for me (the dishes had piled up because I procrastinated doing them for the last 2 days). I almost cried when I saw that he had done them, because really I should have already had them done, but he never said anything about it, he just did for me after getting off work last night (works night shifts).

I know I am not the most patient person and that I get frustrated easily. Most days I feel like all I do is yell at the kids, and yet there is this day to celebrate me. Sometimes I feel like I am just plain not good enough. My house is NEVER spotless, my kids eat peanut butter sandwiches most days for lunch. Sophie begs to go to preschool, but I can't afford to send her so she is stuck at home with her brother and I. They fight like cats and dogs most days, and it takes every fiber in my body to not snap on them. I beg my daughter for just 10 minutes of no questions (man can that girl ask questions!). I try my best to do learning time with both of them, but most of the time I fall flat. Bret has no attention span and gets about zero of what I say. Sophie sometimes gets stuff, but most of the time it's in one ear and out the other. I baby Bret too much (or so my husband, and probably a few other people, say). I tend to expect too much out of Sophie. Most days I feel like I am on the verge of losing my mind.

I know I am not the greatest wife. If I was an awesome wife our house would always be spotless, and dinner would always be ready before he left for work at night, but that NEVER happens. I wouldn't tell him I am trying to eat healthy, and then get mad when he calls me out for stuffing my face with chocolate (haven't had that in like 2 weeks, YAY me). I have almost no time for him, because when we finally get alone time I am EXHAUSTED. Taking care of 2 kids while still trying to find the time for you is literally the MOST exhausting thing I have ever done. My job NEVER ends, I wake up at 5 am to get workout time in. If it weren't for mommy friends I think I would lose my mind (seriously, you guys rock). I always vow to be a better wife, but then life happens.

I always tell myself "I won't yell at the kids today", then they shove their heads in the toilet, or Sophie stomps on her brother's leg, or they throw rocks at each other at the park. I do really good, and then the bad stuff comes in 3's and I lose my patience and go off. Another example for today would be Sophie refusing to go potty before naps (which they didn't actually take today) after her brother's melt downs, and then she had an accident in bed for the first time in a year. Normally an accident, I would be disappointed in her and be annoyed, but she got severely yelled at today because of everything leading up to the accident (and the fact that she got pee all over the hallway and bathroom too).

All these things are part of the reason I reflect on Mother's Day and feel awful, but then Bret grabs my face and tells me I am the so beautiful. Sophie tells me how much she loves me and wants to be like me (God help us). We have a dance party in the living room and just have silly ridiculous fun (Sophie has some interesting moves), or we sing Crazy Train at the top of our lungs. The kids tell me how much fun I am, and I realize that while they might not like me yelling at the time, most of that stuff doesn't matter to them. To them I am the best mom in the world. At the end of the day, these 2 are the whole reason I get to celebrate this day.