With Sophie starting school soon, I will have more time to focus on Bret and work with him one-on-one. I have tried "at home preschool" with both of them (or what we call "learning time"). When trying to do learning time with both kids, almost every day ended horribly with Bret in full on meltdown mode, Sophie angry because he was taking away from her learning, and Mommy frustrated because every time I tried do fun learning things with them it blew up in my face. We eventually took it from 2 hours down to about 30 minutes a day, then completely stopped because I was too burnt out trying to get Bret to focus for more than 1 minute, trying to keep Sophie from getting distracted by her brother, and stopping all the fights that came up.
It's very obvious to my husband and I, our close family, and close friends that Bret has some form of either ADD or ADHD (he is not diagnosed as he is not old enough, but we will not be shocked at all when the time comes that a teacher/doctor tells us that). We both have a family history, so we knew the likelihood of one or both of our kids having it was high. Bret is a very sweet little boy, but he has problems focusing. I know everyone wants to say that is normal for a 3 year old, and to some degree that is true, but I KNOW his problem is above and beyond that of a normal 3 year old (people seem to forget that he is not my first and only child). He can't sit still for a minute (this is no exaggeration, even when occupied by something that can keep his attention, which doesn't happen often, it's almost like he NEEDS to fidget). He goes from super happy and sweet, to completely destructive and disruptive in less than 5 minutes when he gets frustrated (which happens about once an hour at least). He is smart, and we can definitely see that, but he has the hardest time with seemingly simple tasks (such as putting socks on).
I am currently doing some research on how to work with him at home, so that when the time comes for him to start school, we don't have a complete train wreck on our hands. The Atlantic is a great resource. It is geared more toward school aged kids, but is still really great information. It goes into detail about how exercise can improve childhood cognition and brain health, and can be a great alternative to medication for children with ADHD. I definitely plan to work some physical activity into our learning time (much easier when I can do one-on-one time with Bret at home). One of my other main focuses for while sister is at school is teaching Bret ways to calm himself when he gets into his super frustrated/meltdown phase (which unfortunately can happen at the drop of a hat). The only time he really gets physical with other kids is when he gets to this point, so my main goal is to get him to notice BEFORE he gets to that out of control point, and learn how he can calm himself down when he is there. After reading a few different blogs/articles about this and one thing that seems constant is setting up an area in a room that will act as their personal space/calm down area. Almost all of the articles I read also included giving different objects to help the child soothe themselves (sensory objects such a squishy ball, play-dough, rice bin, etc). We have tried "calm down" bottles in the past and while kids thought they were really cool, the first time we made them use them, the bottles got thrown at each other. We are setting up a "calm down area" in Bret's room. He has a little chair in one corner of his room that will work nicely (as long as we keep reminding Sophie that she cannot invade his personal area). I am working on getting a basket to fill with some sensory objects, noise canceling headphones (since noise can be a huge trigger for him), a soft pillow he can yell into if he needs it, his favorite book, and some pipe cleaners or other object he can twist and bend. I have already started working with him a little bit on taking a deep breathe when he starts to get frustrated when something doesn't go his way (like putting his socks or pants on), and this seems to be working in those situations. I may also incorporate some yoga into our one-on-one time and teach him some calming poses for him to do when he gets frustrated or upset.
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